As a child I moved around a lot, I went to a few different secondary schools and actually found it very hard to make friends. I’m not the type of person to put myself out there in social situations, I’m usually the quiet one in the corner or sat down alone or with one or two people. I find it very hard to interact in groups and at social gatherings. I put that down to being quite a shy person and although on the exterior I may seem pretty confident when talking to people on the inside I’m feeling rather awkward, not knowing what to say next and really thinking about what others may be thinking.
Hard to make friends?
That being said the blogging industry means that you can make a whole bunch of friends online and to be honest some of my blog friends are the closest I have. However, it’s not all roses. Although I have a few blogger friends I still find myself feeling very alone in the blogging community, maybe it’s because I live in Devon and rarely attend blogger events because the majority of them are in London. Maybe it’s because the blogger groups that are already ‘formed’ are quite hard to interact with and maybe it’s just because I don’t put myself out there enough and often doubt myself. I’ve been told I doubt myself way too much by friends, family and colleagues in the past. I’m a very capable person but that’s just how I am, how I’ve always been.
What I’m trying to say is, I love the blogging friends I have. I’d love more but living where I do, being where I am in my blogging career and fearing I’m not successful enough stops me from talking to other bloggers, or those bloggers talking to me if that makes sense. I’m probably talking a load of gibberish but this is just something that’s been going on in my mind for a while and I just wanted to share with you a more personal side to me.
I also find that I’m always comparing myself to other also which is a really bad habit to have. It often makes me feel like giving up because I feel I’m not good enough. “Why don’t I look like that?”, “Why aren’t I creative like her?”, “I wish we could be friends”, “I wish my pictures looked like that.”, “Why can’t we do lovely things like that?”. The list goes on, I’m constantly questioning why I’m not as good or as successful as others, constantly comparing the way I look and with my confidence being at an all time low at the moment it just makes me feel so incredibly sad.
This is not a post asking for compliments or asking for reassurance, this is just how I’m currently feeling. I do have days when I feel like everything is amazing, I often say to myself. “Wow, I’m so lucky to get all of the opportunities I get!”, “I really love my photography today.”, “I love this blog post.”, “I love my blogging friends, there is always someone to talk to.”
Again the list goes on, there are so many positives and negatives to blogging and friendships are a huge positive. I’m incredibly lucky to have blogging as my hobby and now career, it’s not something I ever thought I’d do or stick with as I’m a very faddy person but this, this is my internet baby! Blogging though can be a rather lonely job, you are working alone most of the time and although your friends are always there online sometimes that just doesn’t feel enough and you long for that engagement and to finally meet the lovely people you talk to on a daily basis.
Do you feel lonely in the blogging community sometimes? Or do you feel the complete opposite? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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